What happens to an introverted event producer after the big event?
It's called post party depression.
The struggle is real. Yet very routine.
Many of you have heard me mention this and the various phases I am going through. Since I'm currently laying in bed suffering from phase 3, I decided to blog about the details of this habitual cycle.
The phases of post party depression:
Phase 1: Party Girl
Time: End of party to 48 hours post party.
What it looks like: A hot mess.
What it feels like: Fake bliss.
In this extremely sleep deprived, exhausted, vulnerable state, there is a sense of freedom, relief and happiness that it's over. I always think of my 19 year old sister advising me on how to keep up with her, "Mikka, sleep is overrated". It feels as though sleep isn't needed and the party could last forever. Nothing matters because "everything is amazing". Yes there were big fires at the event, but most of them were extinguished... I think. Oh well. It's 6am, I'm in my 5th costume change, full make up and double eyelashes and unable to sit up on my own, I am only able to lay on other people. Everything feels so good, it was all worth it and I think I've just made a million new friends! I'm having epiphanies about my career, social life, dating life and realizing: we are all one, cuddles solve everything and I'm so in love with all these new humans that I never want to be in a monogamous relationship again. Im already dreaming up my next party. I day dream myself right through sunrise until I'm dreaming unconscious...
Phase 2: Hibernation
Time: First sleep until 5 days post party.
What it looks like: A zombie.
What it feels like: Nothing.
Who knows when I went to sleep because I wake up sometime a day or 2 later. I'm pretty sure a truck ran over me and then aliens drugged me and stole my brain because I'm unable to do anything but stare at the wall. I have zero thoughts or senses. I'm not hungry even though I haven't eaten in days, I'm unable to take care of myself and I'm completely confused about where I am, what happened to me, and what is this blinking, beeping device that is shrieking at me every 2 seconds. So annoying. All I want to do is stare at the wall. Hours go by. I realize I need to do something outside my bed so I drag myself out and then run into the wall. I sit on the floor. Stare at the wall. I completely forget I was doing something. I make my way to the couch and fall asleep again. I wake up from a nap and it's nighttime. A friend calls me, says he's worried because I haven't been active on Facebook in days and no one has heard from me. I don't know what he's talking about but I don't care. I explain that I'm too tired to explain. I fall back asleep.
Phase 3: The loss
Time: Waking up from hibernation, around 5-7 days post party.
What it looks like: Friendly
What it feels like: Desperate
After waking up from a long winter week, so much has happened. It's Friday again somehow. Facebook won't even let me see all of the notifications I missed because it's been too long since I checked them. I'm awake now! Does anyone care? Did anyone miss me? Did they move on? What if I had died? Would anyone have noticed?
Omg what happened at the party?! Did everything go ok? I can't even remember anything! Did I embarrass myself? What happened to that date I came with? Wait... Did my ex leave with my friend?! They could be dating now and I missed the notification! What about all those unresolved problems?! They have to be solved immediately! Why didn't I deal with all this sooner?!
I have to get to work! Wait... The event is over! There's nothing to plan. It's gone. It's dead. There's nothing left. It's... Over. Suddenly I feel an overwhelming sense of loss and sadness. No one needs me. There are no longer hundreds of conversations in my phone coordinating complicated, extravagant creations. Only a few thank yous... And they've all moved on to other things. New posts about newer things.
I give up. I don't care about the event either. In fact I want nothing to do with it. I don't want to talk about it. I don't even care that it happened.
I just want to veg out. I want ice cream and a movie. Where are all my friends? Why don't they want to hang out at 11am? No one wants to go to the movies? What else is there to do? I'm so bored. Didn't I have a life before that stupid event? Sex sounds great right now. What happened to all my booty calls? Did they suddenly all get girlfriends??
Fine I'll just Netflix and chill by myself. Oh hey wait a sec... Tinder! That's what I used to do!
I spend a few too many hours on several of my 24 dating apps.
Phase 4: Depression
Time: 1-2 weeks post event
What it looks like: Ugly.
What it feels like: Death.
There is no point to my life. Why did I waste all my time and energy on that stupid event. It doesn't matter. No one cares. There is no meaning for my existence. I was born purposeless. I'm a waste of life. I don't know what passion is. What have I been doing with my life?! Throwing parties?!
What am I supposed to do with my future?! There's nothing to look forward to. It's all pointless. Meaningless. I may as well just lay in bed and cry all day feeling sorry for myself. Who cares about all these guys on tinder, I don't care about dating. I don't care about anything. Im just going to lay in bed crying as I cuddle with my cat, the one living thing that cares about me. Until I die.
Phase 5: Substance abuse and impulsive behavior
Time: 2-4 weeks post event
What it looks like: Exuberant
What is feels like: Toxic
What was I so depressed about? Like whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know about drugs and dating apps! God my life is amazing. I can have anything I want! Sex, drugs and rock n roll...I haven't been home in a week. Turns out there are plenty of people down to party on the weekdays! Who cares if they are in their early 20s and just here on vacation? I'm on a staycation. I'm enjoying brunch at 2pm, naked in a hotel room down the street from my apartment. What?
Phase 6: Health freak.
Time: 1-2 months post event
What it looks like: Obsessive.
What it feels like: Painful.
Ok that was bad. No more of that. It was just a phase, I'm really a health freak. In fact I'm juice fasting all week to clear out those toxins. And no more dating-yuk. Men can be such bad influences, good for a couple things but not much. I don't need them anymore. I don't have time! I play 11 sports so I when I'm not working out for hours, I'm cutting veggies or taking a bubble bath. It's a full time job keeping my health up to speed!
Phase 7: The event planner
Time: 2-3 months post event
What it looks like: Productive.
What it feels like: Amazing.
Wow. I'm so inspired. I have this crazy dream... This vision! And I'm gonna make it happen! Right now it's just an idea but I know I can do anything and I have the people and the power and the experience... The drive... And the PASSION to make fantasy into reality! It's going to be the best experience ever and it's going to blow their minds. We are gonna change the world with this one. I have to do it. This is my gift. No one else can! I must do it. It's my life purpose. Omg this is going to be amazing.
Everything is coming together so fast and all these magical collaborations and contributions are popping up everywhere! Nothing else can phase me or distract me from this beautiful creation! I will do nothing but work on this until it is the best event ever. I'm so excited I can barely sleep at night. It's happening so soon and everyone is almost as ecstatic as I am! I can't even imagine life post party!