Why can't you just make art?

As I’ve taken the time to connect deeper with myself, I encountered a huge block that’s been preventing me from doing something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time: Activate my creativity to release emotions. Every time I have the desire to make art, [which for me is just symbol of a way to release emotion] I hear the message from myself “I can’t.”

Today I had a breakthrough. I asked myself “Why do you want to make art?”

I meditated on this question as I was going through the bins of art supplies I’ve kept for so many years, even through all of this resistance [to make art] that I was feeling. I picked up a bag of random craft supplies, this particular bag carried some emotion. Recently, I finished a massive project of purging and reorganizing every area of my house. As I fought with myself over my reasoning for keeping or not keeping each item I owned, some had more emotional baggage than others. This particular bag was a random bag of some chosen scraps of craft supplies, which I was insistent in holding onto. It was as if the bag had resembled my free, wild, messy, weird, creative self that I so desperately wanted to embody again. As I held that bag in this moment…

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What is Pregnancy Like?

What is pregnancy like?

Said no one ever. Instead insert any-and-every kind of assumption possible about my experience.

Well I'm gonna answer the question I wish you asked me.

YOU: “Mikka, what is pregnancy like?”

MIKKA: “Well, since this is my fourth pregnancy in the last 10 months, pregnancy has been my default state and let me tell you- it’s definitely an altered reality! Here goes...

………...

Ya know that moment at Burning Man... When you suddenly wake up and start to gain consciousness?

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The day my relationship with money changed

When I was in college I read a quote on the mirror from my favorite hair colorist that said “Do what you believe and you will end up where you belong.” This resonated deeply with me. As someone who has never felt I belonged around others because of my radically different beliefs, I wanted something to trust in order to make it through the rough years, until I could find “my people”.

13 years later…

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The 7 Phases of Post-Party Depression

What happens to an introverted event producer after the big event?

It's called post party depression.

The struggle is real. Yet very routine.

Many of you have heard me mention this and the various phases I am going through. Since I'm currently laying in bed suffering from phase 3, I decided to blog about the details of this habitual cycle.

The phases of post party depression:

Phase 1: Party Girl

Time: End of party to 48 hours post party.

What it looks like: A hot mess.

What it feels like: Fake bliss.

In this extremely sleep deprived, exhausted, vulnerable state, there is a sense of freedom, relief and happiness that it's over. ...

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The Future is Alive in San Francisco

As much as I enjoyed the time-consuming evenings adventuring into the bitter cold darkness in hat & gloves, just to go to the grocery store, and then hours in the kitchen making dinner from scratch while drinking wine. I was entertained by the slow, family-style dinners with people who had nothing to do and nowhere to be; having conversations about those annoying Californians who demand everything instantly and contaminate the world with technology...

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I Broke Up with Coffee in February

Today, on my way out to ocean beach to play volleyball, I stopped by my local coffee shop to get a matcha latte. I was about to leave, when the cute barista, who's always there, came up to me and said "where have you been?" We had a moment of connection, as I appreciated his attention. I said, "I broke up with coffee in February." He looked sad. It's nice to be missed.

Now I'm sitting here at lands end, staring at the ocean and thinking about what's happened since February.

I broke up with coffee in February. February 21st, 2015 to be exact. I'll never forget that day...

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3 Days, 3 Nights and 3 Incredible First Dates.

I didn't take a road trip to Oregon to spend the entire 72 hours on okc dates. My friends were driving up there for the weekend and offered me a ride.. I had had an intense dream about my college ex boyfriend... I missed my sister. I missed hot summer nights.. Oh and then there was my dads wedding. All of this synchronicity resulted in me finding myself in the back seat on the I-5 relieving emotional stress the only way I know how to: online dating.

It was 10pm on Thursday as we finally rolled into Eugene. I was planning to stay at my ex's house. I figured I'd have a cocktail with an okc guy first to take my mind off the stress of seeing my ex...

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